• Your fonts will default.
  • If you have two versions of a photo, you will send the wrong one to the printer.
  • Promises made by the salesperson never make it to the pressroom.
  • The salesperson will promise anything.
  • If the text consists of two words, one will be misspelled.
  • Speed. Quality. Affordability. Pick two.
  • If the run is wrong, it’s never the press operator’s fault.
  • Spell checkers don’t.
  • Grammar checkers don’t, either.
  • Global search-and-replaces aren’t.
  • The index entry you leave out will be the first one the client looks under.
  • Optical Character Recognition is good comedy.
  • If three designs are shown to a client, your least favorite will be chosen.
  • If two designs are shown, a third will be requested. If provided, then one of the first two will be chosen.
  • Blueline proofs reveal previously invisible errors.
  • The best designs never survive contact with the client.
  • You will misspell the name of the client’s spouse.
  • Your best idea is already copyrighted.
  • Creative inspiration flows in inverse proportion to the distance from the studio.
  • Doctors, astronauts, and plumbers need training to do their jobs, but anyone with a copy of Publisher is a graphic designer
  • No matter how detailed the tech support FAQ is, nobody has ever heard of your problem
  • The number of colors in a client’s design will equal the number of colors in the original bid specs, plus two
  • The client’s disk won’t run on your equipment
  • If you purchase new equipment to read your client’s disk, it will be the last disk of that type you will ever receive
  • Your client won’t “get it.”

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